Mr Snoddy’s Body by Philip Philmar
Mr Snoddy’s body is frankly not that nice; it isn’t pumped like Arnold Schwarzenegger’s - it’s flaccid and it’s wrinkled and bits of him are crinkled - though not tragically compact as those of Cheggers*.
Yes, Mr Snoddy’s body is functional - not fun, and in physical exertion isn’t strong. His muscle tone is zero, he’d never play a hero, and he never basks on beaches in a thong.
So, Mr Snoddy’s body is best concealed by clothes, and I don’t mean those that come with studs and rubber. His hair is lank and sparse, no one admires his arse, he’s a disappointing mix of bone and blubber.
Now, Mr Snoddy’s body has a skeleton that’s stooped - it’s unlikely that you’ll find his posture charming. His legs are pretty bowed, he’s awfully pigeon-toed, and the way he walks, his gait is quite alarming.
And, Mr Snoddy’s body has a face on it that’s long, with features asymmetric, not beguiling - his ears are low and dangle, one eye is at an angle like a portrait in Picasso’s abstract styling.
Yet, Mr Snoddy’s body - not decorative, but good - inbuilt viral and bacterial defiance; neither powerful nor stealthy - but astonishingly healthy; and when finished with, he’s leaving it to science.
*Keith Chegwin, presenter of Channel 5 nude game show, Naked Jungle, late ’90’s. | ||||
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